i am blown away

I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the support and kind words you gave me after my last post.  when i started blogging, i thought it’d be a fun way to pass the time and post some of the crazy food i eat. i NEVER expected to “meet” such amazing, strong, beautiful women.

i am so thankful to have met you all.  i posted that last confession, of sorts, because i trusted that you all would accept me for who i was, warts and all.  i also hoped that you would have advice or ideas on what i should do to help me overcome my current struggle.

*and i WILL overcome this. i am so determined and i am going to fight it with everything i have.*

you guys came through for me big time and i feel so much better after talking to J and talking to you all.  secrecy is a magnifying glass, making everything seem worse and dirtier than it actually is.  i’ve brought my struggle into the light of day, and i’m going to make it fight me like a (wo)man –  face to face!

i think i’ve developed a plan on how to take care of myself. (because isn’t a lack of self-love what a binge/purge cycle is revealing?)

  • eat more during the day so that i don’t feel so deprived
  • force myself to have one “treat” a day.  this is something that is not part of a planned meal, but something extra that is just for me to enjoy (nutritional value, be damned). that way i won’t feel the need to binge on “forbidden foods” when my self-control is weak
  • focus on my food so that it becomes nourishment & not distraction
  • focus on my hunger signals so that i am eating out of physical need & not emotional anxiety
  • concentrate my efforts on weight lifting – i HAVE to eat if i’m going to get more muscle!

obviously, these are all easier said than done. but forming a plan is a big step that i think will definitely help.  the point is not to restrict but to eat and to enjoy eating so that food is not a punishment or a reward but a way of feeding my body in order to live my life!

you know what else helps?  you guys!

thank you again for being SO awesome!


8 thoughts on “i am blown away

  1. Awesome gameplan! What you said about secrets being like a magnifying glass is so true. Doesn’t it feel great to vent? 🙂 We all love you girl, you’re truly an inspiration!

    • telling j & talking to you all about it was such a weight off my shoulders. it truly is amazing – but that’s what friends are for, to lift the burdens off your back in times of needand lift your arms in times of celebration

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