Operation Make Me Feel Beautiful

This is the poem J left for me on my mirror the other day. 

Just another example of why I love him.


This Mirror

And I share a common theme,

That is, we very much like what we see!

When you stand before us,

The world sings a chorus,

And I just go weak in the knees!

He knows that I kept the poem on the mirror, but I don’t think he knows the extent to which I carry it around in my heart.  You see, I’ve gained weight in the last few months.  Granted, it was weight I needed to gain.  I look a lot healthier, feel stronger, and am definitely on the upswing of life.  However, it’s still hard for me to see the softness in my body where before there was only rigid bone.  I pinch my stomach and know in my heart that I am grabbing weakness, that I am physically manifesting my unworthiness in those extra pounds.  It is a constant effort, every day, to reframe those thoughts.  I am in a continuous silent, mind battle with that ED voice.  Most of the time I win by getting all ghetto on it and making like Alexandra – telling it to JUST SHUT UP. Always, though, I keep J’s words in my heart as a kinder mirror in which to view my reflection. 

If the image I see is distorted by the ED.

I can use the the lens with which he sees me as a way to look at myself with love.

Thank you, J, for giving me a new perspective on myself, on life, and on love.


16 thoughts on “Operation Make Me Feel Beautiful

  1. Okay, I thought J was amazing before, but that poem just took “keeper” to a whole new level! I mean HOW SWEET IS THAT?!?
    I’m so proud of you for seeing the beauty in yourself with this healthy gain. Just look how far you’ve come on this journey!
    You ARE beautiful my friend, inside and out 🙂

    • thank you, alexandra! seriously, you are one of the people that give me strength through your success, by sharing your own struggles, and your overall greatness!


    • i think you hit it straight on – he gets me. i truly feel seen and what’s even better, i know that he likes what he sees! sometimes we have to see ourselves through others in order to see ourselves with kindness!


  2. That is quite beautiful and he is a great guy <3. Seriously, from the pictures I have seen when I creeped on you (yep. it happens. welcome to the interwebz) I have always been astonished at how gorgeous you are, don't beat down on yourself. Of course, that is easier said than done and I do it frequently, but you ARE beautiful and you ARE cared about.

    • thank you juliet! oh, and don’t worry, you’re not the only creeper! on a completely separate note, when i was looking through your credit history … haha! 🙂


  3. How sweet! I feel like weight gain is always hard no matter what (I’ve gained some recently as well) – I chalk it up to our society’s depiction of gaining weight= bad and losing weight=good. It’s hard to change what’s been programed into us via society and what we may have come to accept in ourselves. Here’s to changing perspectives and a long, healthy life! 🙂

    • that’s a great way of thinking about it – and so true! society does make us think that gaining weight is bad (even if it’s actually good). this also explains why i got so many compliments even when i was getting too skinny and why strangers never felt uncomfortable about commenting on my skinniness. congrats to you for gaining healthy weight, too! and thank you for helping me re-frame my thoughts!


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