About

I’m an (almost) 30 year old grad student getting my master’s in Food Science and Nutrition and preparing to apply for a Dietetic Internship.  I live on the Central Coast and I’m missing Oakland less every day.

I’m recovering from a pretty serious E.D. but I refuse to let it define me.

What does define me?

  • I love to run.
  • I love to dance to silly music all my myself.
  • I love to bake.
  • I love vegetables.  Really, I do.
  • I’m falling in love with meat of all kinds.
  • I love my J.

So glad you stopped by!

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29 thoughts on “About

    • Thank you SO much! There is something so freeing about saying (or writing) the truth and often times I feel like the people closest to you don’t want to hear it because it’s too hard.

  1. I’m a year older than you and struggling with underweight now. Not sure how to eat at all anymore. I don’t even exercise. I have a lot of chest tightness and no energy. I am so shamed . Its been over a year…I don’t even walk anymore. NOthing. I will never be repaired again – too much damage.

    • The thing is, it’s never too late until you’ve drawn your last breath. I use to lie in bed and wonder how it was ever going to get better. I honestly didn’t see a way out and I could only fall asleep by imagining my own funeral. It was truly a dark period in my life. However, it gets better.

      I don’t know what it was that completely made the switch but I do know that I’m on an upswing. Sure, there are bad days – especially in the beginning – but the majority are good days. I promise you. It CAN get better!!!

      I started eating more and I noticed more energy. I think that was the start of my upswing.

      I know what it feels like to not even want to walk. I used to have to stand in place each time I stood up because I would black out. I didn’t want anyone to know that my vision had gone black so I’d pretend to be looking down at my shoes for a few seconds before the world came back into focus and I could take a step.

      When I first started eating more I felt really panicked and I saw weight gain where there was none. I felt fat and lazy and like a failure. But you know what? You’re a failure if you keep going the way you’re going. Life is such a precious gift! It’s so selfish of us to waste it! We’re alive! People die every day wishing they could take one more breath. I took my heartbeat, my breaths for granted for too long. It’s time to live & it’s time to breathe in deeply!

      Please, I urge you, to see a counselor or talk to someone you trust. For me, I was trying to be strong and control everything by controlling food/exercise. Letting go of that “control” was so important for me. Leaning on someone can make the process so much easier.

      This disease (and it is a disease) sucks ass so hard! Please, please, please fight it! I promise you, it’s worth it!

      • I’m trying (I think).
        The problem is that my BMI is very ver low. I see my doctor again next week and I’m terrified I’ll be hospitalized because I’m legally below the weight required). I was in hospital for 5 months in past forced and it was horrible.
        Gaining weight is one thing. Gaining weight on hospital food (bread, cookies, bacon, fake potatoes, etc) is WORSE! How can I cope with that? I’ll feel so internally gross to gain weight on that crap.
        How did you set out a meal plan to follow and stick to? Did you eat certain things only? More macronutrient emphasis?
        I don’t exercise at all. I don’t even walk. Just lying and sititng and stuffing my face? It makes my bowels worse.
        But if I just eat “naturally” I might lose more right?

  2. I’m not a doctor and I really can’t tell you what to do to regain your health. All I can say is that life is beautiful and worth fighting for. And yes, dealing w/ an ED is a FIGHT but it’s one that you can win. Please, talk to a professional or someone you trust. Learning to live again is like a huge, deep breath of fresh air!

  3. more power to ya, babe! it’s awesome that you’ve taken back control! it’s crazy how much we’re alike! i moved out, too and then back with my parents…it is SO tough.

    xo.

    • it is tough – and it’s mainly the little things, like not being able to leave my (just finished) dish on the counter without it being placed in the sink & covered w/ water (as a friendly reminder)! 🙂 all in all, it’s working out and i’ve completely adjusted – also, i’m so grateful that i’m able to live with them while i go back to school.
      it’s great meeting people through the blog world who share such common lives & interests! i’ve really enjoyed your blog! 🙂

  4. Wow! I totally connect with your story! I am a young professional that moved back home exactly a year ago. About that time I got into healthy eating and exercising, but now i’ve taken it too far. I’ve developed some binge eating behavior, while at the same time being obsessive about working out and how I eat. I’m trying to find help, but therapy is really expensive. My boss asked me if my moving back home had something to do with my eating, and I kind of waved her off, but it’s really refreshing to see that i’m not the only one who’s moving back home might have resulted with some changes in eating/fitness behavior.

  5. I just found your blog through “pumped for pumpkin” and I’m a HUGE fan already! I’ve been in recovery for about a year now and dealt with your same struggles. ED’s and overtraining blow, I’m so glad to be ‘living’ again! (I’m loving lifting more than cardio now too heehee :)) You’re such a strong, inspirational person and I can’t wait to read more!

  6. Yes girl, kick your ED in the butt and get back to life! I really like your blog, it’s going to be one of my faves I can tell 🙂

  7. Thank you so much for commenting on my blog $ giving me the chance to find yours this way!
    It’s amazing how honest and strong you are,really admire your willpower in the fight against your ED. I am so happy you were finally able to conquer it and feel happier and healthier again,now. Knowing that is really motivating for me,too! 🙂
    I’m looking forward to read more about you and get to know you better,girl!

    • thank you! i am so constantly amazed by the amount of support i’ve received from the blog community. you all have truly been a huge part of my recovery!

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  8. Hi!
    Just wanted to say I’ve really enjoyed looking over your blog 🙂 I’m training for a marathon right now and trying to figure out what to eat whilst being underweight. I like your reviews of the different protein/energy bars and LOVE the pics of what you eat everyday. A good guide on what to eat 🙂 Are you mixed race btw? I am and just thought I saw some similarities!

    • i’m aware of the colloquial definition. however, my name starts with a “T”, I love the beverage tea, and I love the quote in the header of my blog.

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  9. Hey there, I really like your blog and am envious of pursuit for a master’s in food science and nutrition. This is exactly what I’d like to do if I didn’t already finish with a degree in finance. I could go back, but am pretty set in my current job, plus my wife and I want a kid very soon and need stability.

    Oh well, I will keep my eyes open for something food related with somewhat steady income. Anyway, great blog, I just added to my blog roll!

    I like your quote on tea bags, I actually ran in a local 5k called “Race Against Misogyny” and a laminated card with this quote was given to all participants. Just thought I’d share; you’re blog name is just fine how it is.

    RC

    • Thank you so much for your nice comment (and for your support on my title)! I definitely know what you mean with how hard it is to go back to school after finishing in something completely different – and effectively starting over again. I got my undergrad in Women’s Studies so it’s been a long haul taking all the basic nutrition classes in order to do the Master’s thing. I didn’t have to worry about a wife and kid, though, so my situation was completely different. Maybe just finding a way to incorporate your passion into every day life will suffice. Sounds like you’re already doing that and I’m so glad we “met” through the blog world!

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      • Me too, I’m always happy to meet others who are as passionate about food and health as I am. It’s crazy how scarce it is to find others…especially at my current office job. I just want to help inform everyone, but I know “they” have to want it first…

        I wish you luck in finishing out your program, I’m sure it will pay major dividends in the long run. I’m sure we’ll keep in touch through the blog world!

  10. Thank you for your comment – I am glad my post can be used to help people understand the ambivalence and difficult choices we face in recovery.

    You seem like such a beautiful and inspiring person – don’t ever let ED destroy your genuine self.

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